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Week Eighteen

I just made a post over at fatshionista about a comment one of my Brownies made last night that cut into me a lot.

I almost find it a little funny that I am hurt by this, too. I have a "goal weight", sure, and that is something I still think about. However, my purpose with using SP was to get a better picture of my eating and exercise and some of the trends around those two. When and why am I eating what i eat? When and why do I skip out on going to the gym or another form of exercise?

My focus has not been to be "thin." No no. That's not what I want.

What I want is to feel strong again, to feel healthy again, to need my meds less, to move my body with ease again. 50lbs ago I was thinner, certainly, but I was still curvy and plus-sized. Just differently so.

So there is still a number, a goal. It's not the be all and end all, though. It's just there. It's where I remember feeling strong, healthy, free to move. It's where I didn't need meds, where I was proud of what my body could do and mostly proud of how it looked.

We're all moved into the new place. Well, mostly. My desk is still in pieces, and none of the books are unpacked, least until we get a bookshelf. My clothes are almost all unpacked. The apartment is lovely, and waking up next to Adam is lovely, and the view when I walk to the bus in the morning is lovely.

Softball season started on Tuesday, and it's going to be rad. I ache in muscles I forgot existed, and it's all kinds of wonderful. Our team needs some... work, but we'll have a tonne of fun no matter how well we do.

Also, it's my birthday next week. Where did THAT come from?


I was having one of those weeks where everything is just too overwhelming and stressful and scary and HARD. Just too much of everything. I had more panic attacks in the last 10days than I've had in ... forever. Not fun.

Things are looking up, though. Event #1 for work is over (success!), we're moved in, and all my other deadlines are on track.

Adam is amazing, more than I ever understood before. Waking up next to him and knowing that I get to do that every day now... I just don't even have the words to describe how awesome that is. I came home from work on Wednesday to find the entire kitchen unpacked, all of his clothes unpacked, his desk reassembled, and the rest of the living room furniture in place. I came home from work yesterday to dinner juust coming off the stove - pasta with tomato-y, garlic-y sauce and chicken cooked in lemon and cilantro. Yummmers.

www.tinaandelise.com or altarflame - help however you can, money, prayers, good vibes, whatever you can send their way, please. They are a truly amazing, inspiring family.

Week Whatever Who Cares?

What is my motivation? Really, and truly, WHAT?

I am struggling.

Week Thirteen


Thirteen weeks.

Lots is going on, I just haven't had the inclination to blog about it. Bad me - one of my goals for DoubleOhSeven was to be more introspective and accountable, and blogging was going to be the way. I *am* posting a lot on the SparkPeople boards and my blog there, just not transferring any of that over here... I really should.

I normally weigh-in on Mondays and Wednesdays, for the two challenges I'm doing at SP. Today I didn't weigh in because I was in Victoria visiting my parents and Adam, so we'll see how the scales are tomorrow! Easter wasn't as much of a gorge-fest as I expected, but certainly NOT in line with my new habits. Tomorrow I need to get right back on track!

So, in bullet form, the rest of my news:
  • I've lost 11lbs (give or take, depending on tomorrow's weigh-in)
  • I walked my first 5K in 50mins, 40secs
  • I fit into a pair of pants I haven't worn for over a year
  • I almost fit into a skirt I haven't worn in TWO years
  • I can do more reps and sets of everything I do at the gym
  • I *RAN* at the gym last week - only for a little bit, but I DID IT!
  • My blood pressure is back to normal after a big spike in late Feb/early March
  • I get to keep my job full-time for the summer!!
  • I still haven't found Adam and I a place to live. (Vancouverites - let me know if you have any leads!)
Happy Easter all!

Week Ten - Keepin' on keepin' on

Wow. Week Ten already! I can't believe it.

I've lost 9lbs!
I'm walking my first 5K on Saturday.
I'm eating better, exercising more, sleeping more.

Adam and I are hunting for our first apartment together. I'm getting stressed about it, but it will all work out.

I'm still waiting to find out whether I get to keep my job at the end of April. Fingers crossed, prayers and good mojo, please!

Week Eight - Movin' my butt

At the gym last night, I saw a sign for Dash 4 Doctors, a 5K walk/10K run through the University Endowment Lands. It raises money to send second-year UBC med students to internships in under-served, rural communities in BC for 4-6weeks over the summer. Random, but neat!  I'll be doing the 5K walk with my friend Jill; as I wrote in an email - I don't think I could run 10K if my life depended on it right now.  You can pledge me, if you want, at this website.

I'm also debating signing up to walk the Vancouver Sun Run in April and the half-marathon in May. Sun Run is a 10K around downtown/False Creek; the half-marathon goes all through downtown Vancouver, including around Stanley Park.

I've never decided something like this before, so I have no idea whether that would be too much too soon. Any advice? I am not concerned with finishing times, at this point; I just want to DO it, so I have a baseline for future years.

(Also - seriously, if you are trying to lose weight, join SparkPeople. It's freaking awesome and I cannot say enough good things about it. Look me up under "gettinglost!")

Week Seven - Body Talk

I joined SparkPeople, as I mentioned last week. Love it!

I'm tracking my nutrition and exercise like a mad woman, getting inspiration and support from great people, and really being accountable to myself. If I eat something shitty, it's on the list, and I have to be honest about why I "spent" calories/nutrients on that, and how I'm going to compensate (more veggies, more cardio, less dinner, whatevs).

Accountablity is a big thing for me, and something I've really struggled with when I've tried to make healthier choices in the past. It's too easy for me to cheat, when it's not right there staring at me.

Have also been WAY homesick lately, so I came home this weekend, even though I was here two weeks ago. Gotta do what you've gotta do, and I think it was a good decision.

Week Six - Grown Up?

Thing the First
Today I went to RBC and opened an RSP-Matic. For the short term, it will only withdraw a small amount from my bank account each month; once I finalise a job for the summer, I may increase the contribution amount. Once I have $500 in it, I can start deciding what to invest the money in; before $500, it will just be in savings with low interest.

The minimum contribution is $25/month. I can afford that! Bye bye weekly Starbucks, hello saving for my future.

The financial advisor who met with me said that he was really impressed that I was doing this at 21 years old. When I spoke with my parents about it, my mum asked my dad, "what's happening to our baby?"

Thing the Second

I've joined SparkPeople.com. It's pretty awesome, and I'm learning a lot about how/what I eat and do. If you are a SparkPerson, you can find me under the ID "gettinglost". The resources and trackers there are really going to help me keep up with my goals. (More about that another day)

Thing the Third
There's an apartment for sale on my street. If I had higher income, I would seriously consider looking into it. Sigh. Adam and I have begun the hunt for a rental for May 1st, and I'm waiting to hear back about viewing a place this week.

This is going to be a good year, folks. It really is.

Week Six - Body Beautiful

I'm back at the gym again. Feels good, but I know it's going to be a struggle to get back in the habit. Vancouver is back to being dreary, and it's just sooo hard to be motivated to do anything, let alone get to the gym.

I also bought a scale today, on my weigh home from work. I was pretty nervous to step on it, but I wanted to know, and I want to track my weight. Last time I was weighed was early December, when I hadn't lost a single pound, and was very frustrated.

I was sure that I would have gained or stayed the same since. Ate lots during Christmas, haven't been so good with getting to the gym, etc. The only things I have been good about are drinking water and eating fruit/veg.

I've lost 5lbs.


Week Five - Cleaning. Again.

I feel like the cleaning never ends. Just as I get my room tidy and clean, something happens and I don't have time or am too stressed to stay on top of it.

Tonight I went through all of my notes from last semester, recycled all the ones I didn't need, and kept the 10-20 sheets that were actually worth keeping for reference.

It's interesting to me that as the weeks go on and I continue to recycle, throw out and give away things, my room doesn't look any less full or overcrowded. This is definitely I sign that I was right - I have too much STUFF. My room is starting to feel like it can 'breathe' a little more now, but it's definitely a work in progress.

My original motivation was to have a more comfortable, more "me" room. Now, I want to have much less stuff to move come the end of April.