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Week Whatever Who Cares?

What is my motivation? Really, and truly, WHAT?

I am struggling.


Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
katetepai
Apr. 19th, 2007 10:15 pm (UTC)
Hey hon.

What was your motivation to start with? What made you decide to start this community, to join sparkpeople?
onepart_lullaby
Apr. 20th, 2007 05:20 am (UTC)
Lately, all I can think is that I am doing this because I am fat/ugly/unlovable/whatever BS that is NOT true.

I *know* I had good, solid, REAL, honest motivations at the beginning of the year. I know I still have those motivations somewhere, they've just gone on vacay, and left fat/ugly/whatever to housesit.

What I wrote in my first post here was:

I am 21 years old, and I am frustrated. I am frustrated with my life, my health, my weight, my possessions, my relationships and my faith. Objectively, I lead a pretty good and privileged life; I don't deny that. I don't want a good life, I want my best life, the life where I achieve my goals, dreams and potential.

I have some ideas about what happiness is - warm ginger snap cookies, falling asleep snuggled into the arms of my lover, my parents' home, the smell of new books, the sound of rain falling at night. What I want from myself in the next year is to live all of these things and experience them, really, truly, and deeply. (Jeez, I sound like a Savage Garden song!) When I am old and gray, I want to look back on my life and say that I changed people's lives. I don't think I can do that until I change my life.


My motivation to join SparkPeople was my health - primarily that I hope that if I can improve my overall health, I can reduce the amount of asthma medication I'm on, and that sometime in the next 10 years I'm going to want to have a baby/babies and I need to be healthy and fit to do that right.

There's some vanity in all this, of course. I want to be able to not worry about walking into a store and finding my size. I don't want to be the token fat girl in my social circles anymore. I don't like my stretch marks or back fat.

I want my body to move how it used to, when I danced and played sports all the time. I want my body to feel like the body of a 22yr old, not an old lady. I want to be more active with Adam once he is here, and I want us to lead an active lifestyle together and raise an active family.

I think the problem I'm having right now is twofold. I am 5 weeks into a plateau, with very identifiable causes. And I think I have too many reasons to do this, but none of them really says "ME, *I* am the reason to get you out of bed and keep you eating well and exercising."

Blargh.
onepart_lullaby
Apr. 20th, 2007 05:30 am (UTC)
Sorry for the essay! hahah.
katetepai
Apr. 21st, 2007 08:45 am (UTC)
No! The essay is good.

I understand everything you have written.

Out of all the reasons, I think that health is a really important one, a really important reason that it IS about YOU. And health is not just about being physically healthy or having a technically healthy BMI its also about feeling good; feeling good about yourself and feeling good in general.

What is your routine? How can you mix it up? I find that I get really stuck in routines of doing the same exercise/eating the same food once I figure out what works.

Sorry for rambling on at you...

PS. Its always a little bit about vanity and thats nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone wants to feel good about their body.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )