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May 10th, 2007

Week Eighteen

I just made a post over at fatshionista about a comment one of my Brownies made last night that cut into me a lot.

I almost find it a little funny that I am hurt by this, too. I have a "goal weight", sure, and that is something I still think about. However, my purpose with using SP was to get a better picture of my eating and exercise and some of the trends around those two. When and why am I eating what i eat? When and why do I skip out on going to the gym or another form of exercise?

My focus has not been to be "thin." No no. That's not what I want.

What I want is to feel strong again, to feel healthy again, to need my meds less, to move my body with ease again. 50lbs ago I was thinner, certainly, but I was still curvy and plus-sized. Just differently so.

So there is still a number, a goal. It's not the be all and end all, though. It's just there. It's where I remember feeling strong, healthy, free to move. It's where I didn't need meds, where I was proud of what my body could do and mostly proud of how it looked.

We're all moved into the new place. Well, mostly. My desk is still in pieces, and none of the books are unpacked, least until we get a bookshelf. My clothes are almost all unpacked. The apartment is lovely, and waking up next to Adam is lovely, and the view when I walk to the bus in the morning is lovely.

Softball season started on Tuesday, and it's going to be rad. I ache in muscles I forgot existed, and it's all kinds of wonderful. Our team needs some... work, but we'll have a tonne of fun no matter how well we do.

Also, it's my birthday next week. Where did THAT come from?